


wish I could say something

by irwah



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, author can't speak french but pretends she can, brexshit, cashton being cute af, that's it that's the fic, the only good thing to come out of brexit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 07:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15165380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irwah/pseuds/irwah
Summary: “What do you mean you’re getting married?!” Comes Luke’s tinny voice, squeaking through the speakers of Ashton’s phone."It just makes sense, Lu.” Ashton sighs. “I don’t have the money to go back to paying full rent for the flat and he doesn’t wanna get sent back to France. It just works, logistically.”Or: the Brexit fake dating AU that no-one asked for





	wish I could say something

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaa it's been over a year but dis bitch is BACK
> 
> i know absolutely nothing about immigration or visa applications but i watched the proposal and just kinda went with it. i also cant speak french sooo sorry for any mistakes. i wrote this in less than a week because i am an uncontrollable mess and cashton are just irl freaking boyfriends. shoutout to nim and meg for always being the supportive friends they are, i can't wait to party with you both at tour!!!
> 
> also shoutout to nigel farage, davey cameron and theresa may for this royal fuck up. ur all dickheads.
> 
> hope you guys enjoy xxx
> 
> I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THIS WRITING TO BE RE-POSTED ANYWHERE. (stop fucking reposting my fics you wankers)

“What do you mean you’re getting married?!” Comes Luke’s tinny voice, squeaking through the speakers of Ashton’s phone. It’s far too loud for this time in the morning, especially given the number of beers Ashton managed to consume last night.

He hadn’t even really realised that he’d told Luke until the Facetime call woke him up, Luke’s concerned and very close face alerting Ashton to the events of last night.

“Oh, that.”

“What do you mean ‘oh, that’?! So it’s not some kind of joke? Or a dare gone miles too far?!”

Luke’s voice is slowly rising higher and higher and Ashton’s just not sure he can take any more.

“Well like, obviously you know Brexit means anyone from the EU won’t automatically be able to live here, we haven’t been told any details yet and it’s possible he’ll be safe but Calum doesn’t wanna risk it. He loves his job and the NHS are being shit and I agreed I would help hi-”.

“You hardly know the guy!” Luke all but shrieks, despairing and utterly shocked at how calm Ashton sounds about all of this. Ashton, the man who has days of the week underwear and makes a meal plan for every damn day of the week, has spontaneously decided to marry his roomate. His roommate who he hardly ever sees.

“I’ve known him six months…” Ashton protests.

“I’ve got a tin of baked beans in my fridge that I’ve known longer!”

“Ew. And it just makes sense, Lu.” Ashton sighs, lying back down in bed and making a point to turn down his phone volume. “I don’t have the money to go back to paying full rent for the flat and he doesn’t wanna get sent back to France. It just works, logistically.”

“Something logistical would be you dropping him at the bus stop on the way to work, not you marrying the kid.”

“It’s not like real marriage, just for a couple of months until the NHS agree to sponsor him or whatever and we know he’ll definitely get his own right to residence in the UK. Then we’ll get an amicable divorce and go back to being roomies. No biggie.”

“Of all the text messages I expected to receive from you last night at 2am, ‘marrying cal lol’ was pretty far down the list. Fucksake Ash, most people get drunk and bang their sexy French roommate, not agree to marry them.”

“Keep your voice down, he might hear! And hey, I never said he’s sexy!” Ashton’s voice is surprisingly squeaky.

“Doesn’t mean you don’t think it. Even those of us who are very much spoken for and will have their dicks cut off for saying it, can admit he’s one beautiful human specimen..”

Ashton laughs. “You’re full of shit. But I need you to promise you’ll have our backs, if immigration ring you’ll vouch for us and the legitimacy of our relationship blah blah. Please?”

Luke sighs, about to argue when Ashton promises he’ll pay for the next extortionately priced London bar crawl.

“Michael’s gonna lose his shit. But okay, fine, if anyone rings I’ll say you’ve been dating for a while and you’re sickeningly in love.” Ashton sighs in relief. But it was too good to be true.

“On one condition…” Luke’s voice has that playful lilt to it and Ashton raises his eyebrow.

“Michael and I can be your best men at your fake wedding.”

Merde.

xXx

“Ash, are you sure this work?” Calum’s got that nervous look on his face, and Ashton pities him enough not to call him out on the lack of grammar in the sentence.

“It’s gonna be fine, you just need to stop looking so nervous.” His voice turns into a hiss, “they won’t believe we’re together if you’re sweating this much. You just need to-”

An immigration officer walks past and Ashton catches himself, quickly grabbing Calum’s hand. “Honey, there’s nothing to worry about.”

The woman leaves the room and Calum awkwardly takes his hand back.

“I’m just not sure I can remember the exact dates of your siblings birthdays and you’ve told me the name of your primary school hundreds of times but what if I forget when they ask me?! Or what if I forget how to speak English?!”

Calum’s accent gets stronger when he’s stressed and it makes Ashton want to comfort him that bit more.

“Cal, respire, breathe. This is just the preliminary interview, they’ll ask us a couple of questions and then we can leave. Trust me, we’ve got this.”

Calum sighs. “You think?”

“I know.” Ashton smiles reassuringly.

This time, he grabs Calum’s hand and doesn’t let go.

xXx

The interview is nowhere near as bad as they expect and they’re in and out within twenty minutes. The immigration officer, although professional, looked sympathetic and Ashton figures it must be a pretty shitty job to see case after case of refugees and asylum seekers all looking for a better life, being turned away by the dickhead British government. Fuck Theresa May, honestly.

She tells them about the process; two more interviews and then they can get married and Calum will be legally able to live in the UK. She warns them that their main interview will probably be quite difficult and gives them stacks of paperwork and questions that they should be prepared to answer.

As they walk into the lift of the stuffy building in the nicest part of London, Calum nervously eyes the folders Ashton is carrying.

“But what if-”

“Tais-toi.” Ashton says gently, an arm surprisingly comfortably fitting around Calum’s shoulder. His French is still very limited but naturally Calum’s taught him a number of rude words and expressions. Shut-up is one of his favourites. (The laugh Calum gives him brightens the whole stuffy room but Ashton keeps quiet.)

xXx

Hours later they’re in the pub, Luke and Michael sat opposite them and a number of empty glasses (that Ashton paid for) between them. It’s somewhat odd, how comfortably Calum slots into their friendship group despite only hanging out with them a few times. Ashton’s pleased he chose the French boy to be his roommate over the one other applicant, even if that guy did have a slow cooker…

The banter is flying and they’ve been talking about anything and nothing. Calum’s English is so good that he’s managed to join in and understand every joke and dig that they’ve made. He blushes when Luke compliments his English and Ashton does all he can to resist reaching over and rubbing his back as reassurance. For the first time in days Ashton hasn’t thought about the whole ‘illegal visa wedding’ in over an hour. Until…

“Hey you know you guys are really gonna have to step up your game if you’re gonna convince people you’re together?”

Calum looks up frowning and Michael gestures to the foot sized gap between them. Ashton looks to the other side of the table and realises that Michael and Luke are touching from shoulder to knee. Even when they’re not touching each other, they’re touching, both so fucking needy they seek physical contact all the time.

“We’re not all as clingy as you..” Ashton protests, but Luke laughs.

“Seriously, dude, you’re like a ‘no homo’ meme come to life.”

Calum laughs and awkwardly shuffles his barstool a little closer to Ashton’s. Ashton pointedly ignores his heart rate increasing.

“I’ve heard the immigration department can be cra-a-zy tough on these things.” Michael says, emphasising the crazy and making Calum begin to bite his lip nervously.

“My cousin’s husband works in there and he says they’ve been told to be as vigilant as possible since the Brexit announcement.”

Calum looks away, swearing, and this time Ashton does reach out and rub his back. Luke smirks and Ashton kicks him under the table.

“It’s okay, we’ll just hold hands and shit, sit closer together, stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, it’ll be fine.” He gives Calum a little squeeze and the smile he gets in return lights up the whole pub.

“You’re probably gonna have to kiss too, y’know.” Luke says, eyes twinkling and Ashton really wants to punch him in the fucking face.

“Connard.” Calum mutters under his breath and Ashton bursts out laughing, loving the fact Luke has no idea Calum’s just called him an arsehole.

xXx

Later, they’re walking home pretty wasted, long after the tube stopped and not dumb enough to get a night bus. Calum’s new enough to London that he still finds the city exciting, pointing out monuments and staring up at the lights like a little kid. They’re near Trafalgar Square when Michael suddenly spins round and glares at Luke.

“I’ve just realised that these guys have only known each other for six months and somehow Ashton proposed to Calum before you proposed to me and we’ve been dating for six fucking years?!”

And he’s not really mad, just Mikey-mad in that cute, stupid way that makes Ashton laugh and somehow makes Luke want to suck his dick. Ashton will never understand his idiot best friends.

  
“Errr, actually,” Calum pipes up, sounding adorably French after so many beers, “He never proposed.”

Michael stage gasps and Luke squeals in delight.

Calum’s got a shit eating grin on his face and Ashton is about to lose it. “This was your idea, if anyone should be proposing, it should be you!”

“Mon dieu,” Calum says, blasphemously suggesting God is to blame for this one. “Alors…”

He gets down on one knee and that’s how Ashton ends up being officially engaged, secured by a hair tie found in Luke’s pocket wrapped around his ring finger, to his sexy French roommate.

Or just French roommate. No need to mention how sexy he is.

xXx

Their second interview with the immigration officer is more intense, but Calum thinks they’re more prepared. They’ve spent hours sat at home on their sofa, tea in one hand and folders of extensive knowledge of each other in the other. Quizzing and questioning and yawning and laughing until Calum knows Ashton better than he knows himself. They’re thorough in their questions and secret sharing and Calum can’t help feeling so damn lucky to know this much about Ashton and his fascinating life.

When he’d first moved in, Ashton had been nice enough, shown him around London and how to use the tube, helped him out with his English and the confusing tumble drier. They got on well and had extensive chats about being gay in England, politics and cultural differences to France. Calum’s job at the hospital means he works shifts, never really seeing Ashton for more than a greeting before he stumbles into bed. Ashton is a good roommate and a decent guy but that’s what he is to Calum, a roommate. He’s normally nice, but he isn’t this nice.

Calum knows it’s all part of the ‘fiancee’ act, holding doors open for him and Ashton’s hand naturally resting in the small of Calum’s back when they’re in public. But when they’re at home? Ashton brings him coffee when he gets in from his night shift and collapses onto the sofa, and he flattens Calum’s hair when it’s all over the place. He tucks labels into clothes and he’s even done Calum’s ironing a couple of times.

One time when Ashton gets a text whilst they’re watching TV, Calum notices Ashton’s lockscreen is a photo of them. From the night they went out with Luke and Michael, the night they officially got engaged. It makes Calum smile, partially because Ashton has very clearly cut Luke and Michael out of the photo (Luke’s hand can still be seen on Ashton’s shoulder), but mostly because they look like a real couple, Calum’s cheek squished against Ashton’s, identical smiling faces.

Ashton falls asleep on the sofa that night, half way through their third episode of Blue Planet. Calum suggested he go to bed twenty minutes ago, but his frustrating fake fiancee insisted he could stay awake. Calum moves from the sofa as gently as possible, turning the TV off and tucking a blanket under Ashton’s chin. Calum takes a photo and later sets it as his lock screen. For appearances, obviously.

They’re in tescos for their weekly shop when Calum really realises how much Ashton cares about him. The brown boy ran off for a piss the minute they got into the shop, telling Ashton he’ll catch him up. When he finds his fiancee, it’s in the cereal aisle, pondering over the nutritional value of different mueslis. Calum notices that the trolley is already full of his essentials.

“How did you know I only drink that brand of soya milk?”

Ashton shrugs, muttering about seeing it in the fridge.

“You got my favourite apples too, merci!”

“No biggie, babe.” Is the response he gets, like it’s no big deal that Ashton’s memorised Calum’s entire grocery list.

They’re at the checkout, unloading items onto the conveyor belt when Ashton grabs Calum around the waist.

“Hey,” he says, playing to the audience of one, the old woman behind the checkout. “What cheese do you use to get a bear out of his cave?”

Calum frowns, trying to think of the stupid punchline that he knows Ashton will come out with.

“Camembert!” Ashton nearly shrieks, producing the cheese from behind his back. The woman behind the counter bursts out laughing.

“Your boyfriend is quite the comedian!” She coos and Calum smiles.

“Fiancee, actually.” Ashton corrects, pulling Calum’s body into his. A week ago, that would’ve made Calum blush intensely, but he’s getting used to it.

Maybe this engagement thing isn’t so bad.

xXx

The morning of the second interview Calum is so nervous he can’t even tie his own tie. He watches Ashton walk into the hallway through the mirror and the other man immediately senses his discomfort, hugging him from behind before turning him in his arms.

“Here, let me.”

Ashton takes the tie from Calum’s hands and their fingers brush. Calum’s heart is beating so fast he’s sure Ashton must be able to hear it. They’re so close that if Calum leaned forward two inches their lips would brush.

He breathes in deeply and tries not to think about Ashton’s lips as the other man frowns in concentration, fixing the tie effortlessly and making Calum feel like a bit of an idiot.

Ashton looks up, eyes locking with Calum’s and he positively beams.

“It’s gonna be great, we’re gonna be great.”

And Calum can’t argue with that.

xXx

When it comes to answering questions about Ashton in the stuffy interview room, clock ticking above his head, Calum realises he knows most of the answers without even thinking.

The officer interviewing him is strict and the first ten minutes were spent nervously trying to recount word for word things that Ashton had said, but he soon settles and before long finds he is actually enjoying the questions. Talking about Ashton has quickly become one of his favourite past times and he has to catch himself from gushing on occasion.

Amazingly he even has the stony faced immigration officer fighting back a smile when he recounts the story of the first time Ashton got drunk (it involved vomit, the neighbour’s garden and a noisy dog).

Ashton leaves his interview beaming and when the officer finally walks through the door with the papers in hand, he congratulates them.

“95% for you,” he shoves the paper towards Calum who blushes profusely, “And 100% for you,” nodding at Ashton. “You both passed, well done.”

The pair smile at each other, knowing they have just one more interview to survive before the visa application will be valid and they can officially get married.

They stand up to leave but the officer is still stood in the doorway, smirking in a way that reminds Calum of Michael.

“Well…” He starts, addressing Calum. “Aren’t you going to kiss him?”

“What?” Calum manages to stutter. Ashton’s eyes are blown wide and Calum knows his are the same.

“To congratulate him, aren’t you going to kiss him?”

And they’re stuck, it’s finally happened, they’ve been caught out. It was all going far too smoothly, Calum thinks, and he can’t believe this didn’t happen sooner.

“Sure, sweetheart, give us a smooch.” Ashton says, voice teasing but eyes kind, comforting Calum in that way he’s recently developed. His hand reaches for Calum and it feels almost natural the way Ashton pulls him into him, until their chests are almost touching.

Calum’s heart is beating so fast he wonders if Ashton can hear it. Wonders if the immigration officer can too. Putain, fuck, the immigration officer! Talk about pressure for a first kiss.

Their heights are so similar it almost feels natural to just lean into Ashton’s space, noses just inches apart. Ashton’s eyes flick down to his lips and Calum licks them nervously, holding his breath.

And then it just kind of...happens. Their lips meet and Calum’s hands find their way to Ashton’s shoulders, steadying himself. The kiss is dry and slightly awkward for two seconds until Ashton tilts his head and surges forward, mouth opening gently against Calum’s, asking for permission. Calum, of course, gives it to him, gasping into the kiss.

It’s everything Calum thinks a first kiss should be; exciting, scary, and so fucking hot. He can practically feel the fireworks going off around them when Ashton pulls away suddenly, looking a little shocked.

Calum looks towards the door where Ashton is looking. The door has slammed shut and the immigration officer has left the room, and Calum didn’t even notice ‘cause he was too busy noticing how fucking good that kiss was.

Merde.

xXx

The next natural step in their fake wedding journey is to tell their families. Calum’s met Ashton’s family a few times over six months of living together - Ashton’s mum pops round every so often, claiming eight portions of lasagne would be thrown away if they boys didn’t take them. Occasionally Lauren and Harry will come round for a movie night or to stay over, giving Anne Marie a night off from them. Ashton is an amazing big brother and Calum loves these evenings, it reminds him of home and makes him feel a little homesick for Mali and his parents.

Telling Ashton’s family is easy, apparently Anne Marie isn’t surprised - which baffles Calum a little considering the boys were barely friends before this whole Brexit malarky. She congratulates them and sets to designing wedding cakes immediately, insisting that the French and British flag can be incorporated somehow. (Ashton makes a joke that the EU flag should be printed on it and Calum stamps on his foot, hard.)

Lauren squeals with joy, asking if she can take them suit shopping and immediately assuming she’ll be a bridesmaid. Harry is a little indifferent but Calum overhears him telling Ashton he’s happy Calum will officially be in the family to play football with, ‘cause Ashton’s shit. Calum laughs to himself, glad to have such a warm welcome into a family he hardly knows.

He then pinches himself, remembering it’s not actually real and this is all for a very short, very limited time.

They book flights to France a few weeks later, to return the day before their final visa interview. Calum teases Ashton that this is the time to back out if he’s gonna, once Calum’s family know there is officially no going back as Joy will practically adopt Ashton as her own son.

The curly haired boy just laughs, fingers absent-mindedly playing with Calum’s in a way that makes his stomach flip.

“Babe, it’ll be fine.”

The nicknames began a while ago and now they’re coming thick and fast, so much so that Calum doesn’t even blink when Ashton says things like that. Luke and Michael are the worst about it.

xXx

“We’ll start with Mali.” Calum says as their plane lands, automatically grabbing Ashton’s bag from the overhead locker for him.

“Okay, start easy and work up to the parents?”

Calum bursts out laughing, “You have to be joking, you think Mali will be easy?! Ash she’s gonna be the one to convince. She knows me better than I know me, she’ll definitely know if something is up.”

“I will be a full on doting fiancee, I’ll hold your hand and pull out your chair and charm her with my smile and wit.”

Calum snorts, excitement and nerves bubbling in his stomach.

They arrive outside Mali’s house and Ashton casually shifts his bag into his left hand so he can hold Calum’s with his right. It feels so natural it grounds Calum, makes him feel safe.

The front door swings open and Mali’s beaming face greets them, her husband just behind her and their daughter, Madeleine in the background. And then it’s a flurry of three kisses on each cheek and ‘bonjour’s ‘ca vas’ and ‘bienvenue’s. Ashton’s school level French just about copes and Calum smiles at him proudly when he manages a coherent sentence about how their flight was.

Maddie, who recently turned six, pushes her way between her parents and runs at Calum. She smiles a gappy smile, throwing her arms around his shoulders just in time for him to pick her up and spin her round. She’s speaking 50mph into his ear about how her tooth fell out on her birthday and brandishing the jar of glitter that the tooth fairy gave her. He shushes her and manages to speak.

“Ma cherie, tu me manques.” I’ve missed you. She squeals in delight and tells her uncle she’s missed him, before wriggling to be set down and staring curiously at Ashton.

“Qui est-il?” She shyly asks who the stranger is.

“Maddie, this is my boyfriend, Ashton. We’re getting married soon.” He tells her in French, stroking her hair and awaiting her response.

As expected, she smiles up at Calum, clapping her hands and immediately asking if she can be a bridesmaid.

Calum laughs, pushing her towards Ashton who’s crouched down, arms open ready for a hug. “Go and say hello to your new uncle. He can’t speak French so you have to speak English.”

She hugs Ashton with no qualms, politely saying ‘Hello’ in her best English accent. She grabs his hand in her tiny palm and pulls him inside, nattering away about Mummy’s steak and that Ashton can share her room if he wants.

Ashton spins round to check Calum is coming, and the smile they share makes the butterflies return to Calum’s stomach.

He has to pinch himself to remember it’s not real.

xXx

After a lovely evening of his sister’s amazing cooking and flowing wine, Calum is helping Mali and Pierre clean up the kitchen. Maddie went to bed long ago and Ashton has gone upstairs for a shower.

“He’s nice.” Mali says quietly, stacking plates into the dishwasher and carefully watching for Calum’s reaction.

“Yeah, he’s great.” Calum smiles into the sink full of bubbles he’s filling. Mali rolls her eyes.

“But a wedding, Cal? Really? It all just seems so fast.”

It’s Calum’s turn to roll his eyes, knowing where this is going.

“You’ve always fallen hard and fast but you’ve only known the guy a few months! We didn’t even know you were dating and suddenly a wedding?”

Calum has a feeling in the pit of his stomach that she knows. She’s not stupid and they’re close enough that she would expect Calum to announce a new boyfriend before a marriage.

“Be careful, yeah Cal?” She warns and Calum swallows hard.

Pierre bounces into the room at that moment, carrying in the empty wine glasses and placing them into the sink for Calum to wash. He’s raving about Ashton’s excellent taste in music and how good he was with Maddie. He just knows how well he’ll fit into the family. Mali smiles and agrees, but she glances back at Calum, frowning slightly.

xXx

By the time Calum makes it upstairs the weird feeling in his stomach has gone, he knows Mali will never say anything and he’s pretty sure he and Ash are good enough at this fake dating thing to convince his parents tomorrow.

He quietly opens the door to the spare room in case Ashton is asleep, but the boy isn’t in the bed where he expects him to be. He’s lying on a blanket on the floor next to the bed, one of the pillows behind his head. He’s reading his book, glasses perched on the end of his nose and muscular shoulders visible due to his lack of clothing.

Calum bursts out laughing. “Umm, Ashton?”

The man looks up from his book, expectantly.

“Why are you on the floor?”

He sits up, looking a little sheepish. “Thought it might be a bit weird if we shared the bed…”

Calum frowns at him, shutting the door quietly and sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Are you kidding?”

Ashton frowns at him, offended and confused.

“Ash, we share pretty much everything else in life. A sofa, milk, a love for David Attenborough, showergel, that nice leather jacket you have, towels...it’s really not weird if we share the bed. In fact, it’s weird if we don’t.”

Ashton sighs, laughing a little awkwardly but stands up, wrapping the blanket around his waist to preserve some modesty. Calum has almost forgotten what he said when-

“Hang on, you use my towels?!”

Calum cackles and runs to the bathroom, successfully avoiding the shove that was coming his way.

When he returns from the bathroom, Ashton is curled up in the bed, book open on his chest and glasses on his face. His eyes are closed and his breathing is even and Calum’s heart skips in his chest when he realises he’s fallen asleep.

Gently, Calum climbs onto the bed, moving the book from Ashton’s sleeping hands and ever so carefully pulling the glasses from his face. He places both items on the bedside table and settles onto his side of the bed, turning the light off.

As Calum shuffles down under the duvet, feeling the weight and stress of the day leave his muscles, Ashton snuffles in his sleep and turns to face him, suddenly much closer than he was a second ago.

He reaches out and strokes Ashton’s hair as if it’s completely natural, not even realising he’s done it until he draws his fingers away quickly, shocked at his own actions.

Fuck. He’s fucked.

xXx

Breakfast with his parents the next day is a comfortable affair and Calum realises just how happy he is. They’ve gone to a local restaurant, one they’ve been going to for Calum’s whole life, and the staff know his family so well they get the best table in the house, by the fire in the ‘library’ room, cozy and encased by bookshelves and framed photographs of the small French town.

Ashton fits so well into his family it’s effortless. He speaks Franglais to Calum’s parents to begin with but they pity him and switch to English fairly early on. His parents are impressed at the effort Ashton has made to learn French and Calum gets a warm fuzzy feeling inside when he thinks about the fact that effort was made for him.

Ashton plays the part perfectly, bonding with Calum’s dad about tennis and politics and music and wow, Calum’s starting to worry his dad might like Ashton more than he likes him?!

Calum can tell that his mum likes Ashton immediately, insisting that he have the final piece of bacon and asking him about his family. It’s not an inquisition, she’s genuinely interested in him. And when she thinks Calum isn’t listening, she thanks Ashton for looking after him in London. Ashton blushes and Calum rolls his eyes.

The only family member who isn’t entirely convinced is Maddie, she studies Ashton as he talks English, frowning into her chocolat chaud. She’s got cream on her lip and Calum’s about to wipe it away when she speaks.

“Is Ashton a nurse like you?”

Ashton looks up at his name and Calum tuts his niece, speaking in English. “He works in a library. And Madeleine it’s not polite to speak about Ashton in French when you know he can’t understand.”

Madeleine looks suitably chastised, apologising to Ashton and the man smiles, telling her it’s okay. He drizzles the last of the syrup onto her pancakes to show it’s okay and Calum thinks she’s finally warming to him. He’s in a daze thinking about Ashton with children and Ashton’s children and his and Ashton’s children when Maddie’s voice cuts through his daydream.

“Does he really love you?” And wow, Calum’s forgotten how direct kids can be. Especially this kid, she really is her mother’s daughter.

“Uhh,” he stammers but she isn’t having any of it.

“Well?” Her loud, sassy voice has Ashton next to Calum glancing over questioningly. She’s speaking French, of course, so Ashton probably can’t understand, but there’s a small chance he can. The brown boy waves him off, gathers Ashton would have said something if he understood. Luckily the conversation next to them continues but Maddie doesn’t give up.

“Maman says someone should only be your boyfriend or girlfriend if they love you more than anything. So, does he?”

Calum smiles, of course Mali has distilled such an intense sense of self love and confidence in her kid.

Calum swallows, aware of Ashton right next to him.

“I think so. He’s very nice to me, Mads, he’s a very good man.”

She smiles. “And you love him?”

Calum bites his lip subconsciously, smiling over at Ashton who glances at him and smiles back.

“Oui.”

“More than you love gateau?”

Calum stiffles laughter when he sees the very serious look on her face.

“Ummm,” he pretends to think seriously. “Yes.”

“More than you love me?” And this time she pouts, big brown eyes identical to Calum’s staring back at him.

“Of course not, ma cherie, I love you more than I love anyone.”

He reaches across the table and ruffles her hair. Maddie smiles, looking satisfied and Calum thinks he’s off the hook. He takes a sip of his wine when-

“So how many children are you going to have?”

He chokes, coughing wine onto his plate. Ashton immediately rubs his back, whispering soothing sounds into his ear.

When he finally stops coughing, Madeleine just raises her right eyebrow. God she’s just the spitting image of Mali, Calum can’t believe it sometimes.

Luckily Mali sweeps in and saves him, taking Maddie to wash her hands and smiling knowingly at Calum.

Ashton’s still in deep conversation with the parents but Calum feels the man’s hand sneak up to the back of his neck, playing with the curls Calum has there. He leans into it, sighing and resting his hand on Ashton’s knee.

A tiny voice in the back of his mind tells him not to get used to this but he fights it down, picking up his coffee and sipping it, enjoying the bittersweet taste.

xXx

It’s the day before their final interview and they’re sat in St James’ Park, watching kids chase pigeons and tourists photograph the squirrels. The weather has recently improved, it hasn’t rained in 24 hours and Ashton has managed to leave his heavy leather jacket at home, opting for a light jumper instead. The warmer weather has him feeling calm and relaxed.

They have a few notes scattered around them, going over final questions but they’d given up studying about an hour ago, instead happy to lie in the grass, listening to music by sharing Ashton’s headphones and watching the clouds.

“Oh, shit.” Calum sits up, pulling Ashton’s headphone out of his ear as he does so.

“I gotta-” The brown boy shakes his phone, gesturing that he has to answer it. Ashton squints at the screen but the sunlight means he can’t see the ID.

“Okay, hurry back to me.” He says with a lame wink as Calum walks away, frowning.

Ashton doesn’t think much of it, lying back down and appreciating having both his headphones for once. Calum is gone for a long time, nearly half a Blink album but Ashton brushes it off, he’s a sensible guy.

Two songs later, Ashton’s about to send out a search party to see if Calum’s been brutally attacked by a swan or something when he sees the brown boy sauntering back, frown even stronger on his face.

“I’ve got some good news.” Calum starts, not making eye contact and not sitting either, just standing over Ashton like an awkward salesperson or something. “No interview tomorrow.”

Ashton frowns. “For fuck’s sake, have they rearranged it?!”

Calum shakes his head. “No, no, uh. No wedding either. That was my um, union representative. I asked him for advice when they first announced about EU visas etc. He said he had to do lots of asking around because the government are useless but, it’s official, because I’ve worked for them for over two years I’ll be able to stay.”

“Oh, uh, that’s great!” Ashton says but it falls flat.

“Yeah, the NHS will personally ensure my visa is extended and I’m given right to residence. It’s all gonna be okay.” Calum smiles and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes but Ashton doesn’t notice. He’s too busy replaying the last few moments in his head, feeling a little confused.

Calum sits down and starts stacking their papers, still refusing to meet Ashton’s eyes. He notices Ashton’s silence and looks up nervously.

“So…” They both say at the same time. Neither of them laugh.

“You’ll be glad to know we can stop pretending we’re a couple.” Calum laughs humorlessly, zipping up his backpack.

“Right,” Ashton responds, head whirring with questions and rejection and various other negative emotions he can’t identify right now. He stands up and begins to walk home on autopilot, Calum next to him, silent too.

They’re crossing the bridge they always do, the one with the great view of the London Eye, and the sun is setting and the bats have just started circling and Ashton doesn’t notice any of it because he’s too busy coming to terms with the fact he’s just lost the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He stops suddenly, staring wide eyed at Calum.

The boy walks a couple of steps further before he notices, turning to face Ashton.

“Except I don’t wanna.” Is what Ashton says. And Calum stares at him blankly, taking a step towards him.

“Wh-what?”

And that’s when Ashton realises that was a non sequitur. Their previous conversation ended at least ten minutes ago and Calum is looking at him like he’s a mad person and like...he probably is.

But, the sun is setting and Calum’s skin looks actually golden and Ashton cannot bear the thought of waking up tomorrow and having to pretend everything has gone back to normal. The thought that he’ll never get to hold Calum’s hand again or visit France and his family. The thought of waking up in his apartment and it being just his roommate next door, not his future husband.

“I,” he swallows and Calum steps even closer, worry in his eyes. “I don’t fucking want to stop pretending we’re a couple.”

Calum frowns, surprised.

“I’ve had the best month with you, and sure, at the beginning it was for show, I was trying to convince the world we were together. But then...I don’t know...I-”

“I know.” Calum says, stepping forward and taking Ashton’s hand in his.

“You-?”

“Yes, oui, moi aussi.” Me too.

A smile slowly spreads across Calum’s face as he watches Ashton process his words. He’s about to speak when Calum surges forward, grabbing the back of Ashton’s head and all but smashing their lips together.

Ashton’s hands immediately find Calum’s waist, pulling him closer, impossibly closer until there’s not a single gap between them. Their bodies mold into each other perfectly and the kiss is perfect, strong and reassuring but also delicate and sweet. Ashton feels Calum smile into the kiss and he has to hold back a whine when the brown boy pulls away.

“I have to ask you a question.”

  
Ashton ignores his words, kissing him again.

Calum laughs, biting his lip and god, Ashton wants to bite that lip too. He leans forward again but Calum backs away, hands out in a sign of ‘wait a minute.”

He drops to one knee, right there, on the bridge in front of at least a hundred tourists. Maybe he’s the mad person. Ashton gasps and Calum beams up at him, eyes twinkling as he takes Ashton’s hand in his.

“Ashton Irwin, will you not marry me and instead, will you go on a date with me?”

“Hmmmm," Ashton pretends to decide. A smile breaks out on his face as he grabs Calum's hands. "Oui, bien sur.” Of course.

**Author's Note:**

> eeeeee i hope you liked it, potential smut to follow............
> 
> feedback, friendship and general shouting about 5sos always welcome on [tumblr](http://cashtontrash.tumblr.com) and if you liked this fic i'd reaallly appreciate if you reblogged it[here](http://cashtontrash.tumblr.com/post/175556921092/wish-i-could-say-something-by-irwah-on-ao3)!
> 
> thank u for reading, promise it wont be a year until the next fic,  
> D xxx


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